Take a Lap

Take a Lap is the 18th episode in Season 7 of Beavis and Butt-Head. It is the 177th episode overall.

Plot[]

Beavis and Butt-Head are watching a commercial for the protein bulking powder scam of "body-shaping guru" Peter Small, body-shaming them into believing they have been unable to "score" because they are weaklings with sagging butts. The duo immediately decide to start on his program and call the number but are unable to order the protein scam powder as they have neither credit cards nor checks.

They decide to go to Stewart's house to create their own bulking protein concoction, throwing any ingredients they finf in the kitchen into the blender. Stewart begs them to let him join but Butt-Head blows him off because he's "too fat already". The witches' brew tastes disgusting but needs must, so they force it down their gullets. Just then, Stewart's mom's van is heard in the driveway, so the boys scurry back home.

In front of their TV, they start in on Small's aggressive exercise regimen but soon give up and going for a jog instead. After a few steps though, their tummies start reacting to their weird shake and decide to head home again, which turns into a race as they fight over who can use the toilet first, not even realizing this is the first bit of actual exercising they have done all day.

Back at home again, Beavis is watching TV and Butt-Head returns from the toilet just in time to hear a news reporter say that Small has collapsed and died from heart failure, brought on by muscle stress from the lower bunghole. Both agree exercise sucks, implying they will never do it again, and Butt-Head encapsulates their lives' motto: "Just sitting on the couch is cool!"

Characters[]

Beavis
Butt-Head
Peter Small (single appearance, dies in this episode)
Stewart Stevenson
Mrs. Stevenson (mentioned only)

Music Videos[]

Scatman John - "Scatman"
- Recycled from "No Service"
Italian airings that were grouped with "On Strike" and "Pierced" have Entombed - "Wolverine Blues"
- Recycled from "Dude, a Reward"

Transcript[]

[We open to the duo watching an infomercial featuring aggressive bodybuilding guru, Peter Small, standing next to a female model.]

Peter Small: You want to know why you can't get yourself a woman? I'll tell you why! YOU'RE WEAK, FRAIL, AND YOUR PATHETIC BUTT IS SAGGING!!! But today is your lucky day, because with my new workout program, you too can get a body just like me! [He rips off his shirt, revealing his massive build.] MONSTER PECS, SIX-PACK, AND CHECK OUT THESE CHEEKS!!! [He points to his ass.]

Butt-Head: Cool!

Beavis: Yeah!

Peter Small: So, get up off your slimy duffs and start exercising! But exercise alone will not get you a body like mine, that's why you need to get on the phone, and order your 30-day supply of Mega Bulk, filled with fiber, bran, egg-whites, and an arsenal of protein packed vitamins! Mega Bulk will have you packing on muscle mass in no time! [Beavis and Butt-Head start laughing, thinking they can make their butts look cool now.] SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!? PICK UP THE PHONE!!! COME ON!!! DO IT, DO IT NOW!!! [As he screams at the camera, the caption "555-BULK" flashes on the screen. Beavis and Butt-Head go get the phone to call.]

Butt-Head: Uhh, hello? We want cool butts! ...Uhh, no? ...Uhh... No. Yeah, well, you suck! [He quickly hangs up the phone.] That dude wanted, like, a whole bunch of checks and credit cards and stuff.

Beavis: Maybe there's some stuff over at Stewart's house we can use.

[We then cut to Stewart's house, where the duo is seen tearing through Stewart's kitchen, adding all sorts of disgusting items to their "Mega Bulk".]

Stewart: Hey, can I be strong like you guys?

Butt-Head: Uhh, no. You're, like, already too fat.

[Soon enough, the duo finish adding their "ingredients", mostly junk food, to the blender, then turn it on, which makes a huge sloppy mess.]

Butt-Head: Uhh, oops!

Beavis: That's ok, Stewart will clean it up.

Butt-Head: Yeah. [He then pours to "drinks" for them.] Here's to our butts!

Beavis: Yeah, and our weiners! [He then drinks his "Mega Bulk", but spits it out after tasting the rancid flavor.]

Butt-Head: Come on, dumbass! You want to score, don't you? [He chugs his, and Beavis eventually finishes his as well. They then hear Mrs. Stevenson pull in the drive-way.] Uhh, we, like, better get going, Beavis.

Beavis: Yeah! [They quickly get out of there before she walks through the front door.]

[We then cut back to their house, where they are seen watching Peter Small's exercise infomercial again, this time during one of his workout sessions.]

Peter Small: TOUCH YOUR TOES!!! NOW, UP! DOWN! UP! DOWN! [He demonstrates the exercise, while Beavis and Butt-Head are not even able to properly do the exercise.] NOW, CIRCLES WITH YOUR HANDS!! [He performs an arm circle exercise very aggressively.] SMALL, SMALL, SMALL, CIRCLES WITH YOUR HANDS!!! CIRCLES WITH YOUR HANDS!!! SMALL!!! SMALL!!! SMALL!!! CIRCLES WITH YOUR HANDS, AND DON'T FORGET TO JOG!!! [Beavis and Butt-Head are now doing air guitar moves instead and become very tired.]

Butt-Head: This sucks! Let's, like, go exercise outside, or something!

Beavis: Yeah! WOO!!! [They both go outside to go for a jog.]

Butt-Head: Alright, ready? Go! [They start running, but after about 3 seconds of light jogging, they're already winded and stop completely.] Jogging sucks!

Beavis: Yeah, I'm not feeling too good.

Butt-Head: Yeah, really. I gotta take a dump from all that Mega Crap stuff we drank.

Beavis: Yeah. I gotta go bad! [He gets ahead of Butt-Head.] I'm going first!

Butt-Head: No way, butt-munch, I'm going first! [He punches Beavis and starts running.]

Beavis: [He punches Butt-Head and runs faster.] NO WAY, DAMMIT!

Butt-Head: [He chases after Beavis down the road.] DAMMIT, BEAVIS! I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!

[Later, we find out Butt-Head beat Beavis home. The sound of explosive diarrhea can be heard from the bathroom, followed by the sound of the toilet flushing.]

Butt-Head: [He comes out of the bathroom.] Hey, how's it going?

[Suddenly, a news report comes on, featuring Peter Small once again.]

Beavis: Oh no, not this guy again!

Newscaster: Workout and body-shaping fitness guru, Peter Small, collapsed and died today during the taping of one of his infomercials. The coroner's officer has stated that the death was caused by heart failure due to extreme strain on the lower bunghole.

Butt-Head: Exercising sucks! Just sitting here is better.

Beavis: Yeah, really!