Beavis and Butt-Head

"Massage" is the 18th episode in Season 8 of Beavis and Butt-head. It is the 218th episode overall.


Inspired by beautiful women getting massages at the mall, Beavis and Butt-head are completely inept around women. The boys also come to ogle the women at a massage stand maned by two Asian practitioners; who have little tolerance for the way Beavis and Butt-Head drive away their customers. They also decided to open up their own makeshift massage shop when they started stealing supplies around the mall to construct a massage chair. Later, Beavis and Butt-Head see their chance when the Asian practitioners take a break and they co-opt the massage stand for their own use. But just as an unsuspecting female patron sits down, the Asian practitioners return and confront Beavis and Butt-Head. At the end, the Asian duo hire them on the spot to massage a massively obese man just as the mall cops and the real police are about to arrest them for stealing the supplies for their massage chair. So, Beavis and Butt-Head can either pretend to be working for the Asian practitioners by rubbing down the fat man or they can go to jail.


  • Beavis
  • Butt-Head
  • Massage Workers
  • Mall Security Guard
  • Fat Man (possibly Billy Bob)
  • Angry Man
  • Police Officers


[Beavis and Butt-Head go inside the mall and walk around]

Butt-Head [vo] - Hello, ladies.

Women [vo] - SECURITY!

Mall Security Guard - [sends Beavis and Butt-Head out of the store] Every day we go through this. NOW, STAY OUT.

Beavis - Where should we go now, Butt-Head? Butt-Head? Whoa! [see chicks getting massages]

Butt-Head - The mall rules.

Beavis - Oh, yeah.

[a clip from Jersey Shore plays]

[Beavis and Butt-Head are laughing at a lady and she leaves angrily]

Massage Worker - No. C-come back! [looks at Beavis and Butt-Head angrily] YOU! [leaves]

[when the massage worker leaves, Beavis and Butt-Head sees no one getting massages]

Butt-Head - Come on. Pick up the pace.

Beavis - Yeah, we're getting bored over here, come on.

Butt-Head - Uh, hello.

[a lady comes and gets ready to have a massage]

Beavis - Oh, yeah.

[a lady get angry with Beavis and Butt-Head after staring at her longer]

Massage Worker - [shows up] Oh! Oh, them! Them! Get them! Go! Bad for business!

Mall Security Guard - [shows up angrily] You're going to have to leave. You do not have the right to block a pedestrian area.

Butt-Head - Uh, how come they get to block a "pedestrian" area?

Beavis - Yeah, really.

Mall Security Guard - Because they are running a business. Now move along. [leaves]

Massage Worker - [angrily] NOW YOU GO! YOU GO TO HELL!

[Beavis and Butt-Head sadly leaves the area]

Beavis - Damn it. That sucks. What is a "pedestrian" anyway?

Butt-Head - I don't know. But it won't matter if we're running a business.

Beavis - What do you mean?

Butt-Head - Beavis, we are going to be massagers.

Beavis - Oh, yeah.

[Beavis and Butt-Head get ready to build their own massage stand]

Butt-Head - We're businessmen.

[fade to black]

Butt-Head - Hey, baby. Would you like to be touched?

[a lady grunts]

Beavis - You don't like it, you don't pay.

Butt-Head - Step right up. Get one boob massaged, and the other one's free.

Beavis - And your butt too, yeah. Three for the price of one. This sucks. [sees the massage workers massaging chicks] How come those guys have chicks lined up and we don't have anybody?

Butt-Head - Maybe it's because they're, like, Chinese? I think chicks love Chinese dudes.

Beavis - Damn it. It's, like, they should-- [Beavis hurts himself when the massage stand knocks over] Ow!

Butt-Head - Damn it, Beavis. You broke our chair. [kicks Beavis]

Beavis - Ow!

Butt-Head - Butthole.

[the massage workers laugh]

[Beavis and Butt-Head look at a model inside the store]

Beavis - Yeah.

Butt-Head - It's, like, not the same.

Beavis - It's like, it just reminds me that we almost touched real girls.

[Beavis and Butt-Head both leave and go for a walk]

Beavis - Yeah. It just doesn't work anymore. Yeah. Damn it. I used to love this mall.

[Beavis and Butt-head walk around and see the massage workers take a break]

Butt-Head - [looks at the sign saying back in 30 minutes] Whoa! Hey, Beavis, look. They're gone. This is our chance. [became massagers] Eh, okay. Act Chinese, Beavis.

Beavis - [speaking Chinese] Um, now you go! You go to hell! what hell you doing? That's all the Chinese I know. Oh, wait a minute! Me Chinese, me play joke, me put pee-pee in your coke.

Butt-Head - That was pretty good, Beavis. [a lady comes] Whoa.

[Beavis and Butt-Head finally have a lady in order to massage chicks]

Lady - [sighs] I'm having some upper back pain and on my neck, so if you could just work on that, that would be great.

[Butt-Head gets ready to massage a girl, however, the workers show up and pushes him away from massaging a lady]

Massage Worker - [comes back angrily] WHAT THE HELL YOU DOING? YOU TRY AND TAKE MY BUSINESS?

Butt-Head - Uh, yeah. We wanna be massagers.

Massage Worker - Okay, you two now massagers.

Butt-Head - Uh, really?

[a fat customer shows up]

Fat Man - Ugh. I'm ready. I need to get my circulation going. I got a real bad spell of the gout. Probably that shellfish I ate.

[a lady leaves]

Massage Worker - [points at the fat man's back and tells the boys to massage him] GET TO WORK!

[the fat guy gets ready to have a massage]

Butt-Head - Uh, let's get out of here.

[they leave until a security guard and an angry man show up]

Security Guard - Hold on. [stops the boys from escaping] Okay. Did you two have anything to do with taking this guy's tools?

Massage Worker - They here with us whole time. New employees! Massage this guy now.

Butt-Head - Uh, no thanks.

Security Guard - The police are on their way. Do you work here, yes or no?

Massage Worker - Show him! Show him you not thief. You a massager! Massage!

[the cops show up]

Butt-Head - Uh, yeah. We're massagers.

Fat Man - Uh, I'm gonna need you to massage the fluid back up into my torso. Uh, then rub the extremities till they aren't so blue anymore. Now don't mind that smell. That's just the muscle eating the bone. Doctor said he's only heard of it this bad in cattle before. Looks like a table leg got caught in a wood chipper, don't it?

Beavis - Well, he does have boobs.

[closing credits]

Featured videos[]

  • A clip from Jersey Shore.


Episode List
Shorts · Season 1 · Season 2 · Season 3 · Season 4 · Season 5 · Season 6 · Season 7 · Season 8 · Season 9 · Season 10

Shorts: Frog Baseball · Peace, Love and Understanding

Season 1: Door-to-Door · Give Blood · Balloon

Season 2: Scientific Stuff · Good Credit · Burger World · Baby Makes Uh, Three · Beware of the Butt · At the Sideshow · Customers Suck · Sick · Home Improvement · Way Down Mexico Way · At the Movies · No Laughing · The Butt-Head Experience · Lawn & Garden · Stewart's House · For Better or Verse · Bedpans & Broomsticks · Babes R Us · Yogurt's Cool · Heroes · Sign Here · Washing the Dog · Friday Night · Be All You Can Be

Season 3: Comedians · Carwash · Couch-Fishing · Incognito · Kidnapped · Naked Colony · Tornado · Cleaning House · Scratch 'N' Win · Scared Straight · Eating Contest · Sporting Goods · Sperm Bank · Buff 'N' Stuff · Citizen Butt-Head · Politically Correct · Ball Breakers · Meet God · Meet God · True Crime · The Trial · The Crush · Plate Frisbee · Canoe · Young, Gifted, & Crude · Foreign Exchange · A Very Special Christmas with Beavis and Butt-Head · Closing Time · Most Wanted

Season 4: Wall of Youth · Cow Tipping · Trouble Urinating · Rabies Scare · They're Coming to Take Me Away, Huh Huh · Jump! · Pumping Iron · Let's Clean it Up · 1-900-BEAVIS · Water Safety · Blackout! · Late Night with Butt-Head · The Final Judgement of Beavis · Pool Toys · Madame Blavatsky · Beavis and Butt-Head's Island · Figure Drawing · Date Bait · Butt is it Art? · Right On · Manners Suck · The Pipe of Doom · Safe Driving · Mr Anderson's Balls · Patients Patients · Teen Talk · Crisis Line · Vs. the Vending Machine · Generation in Crisis · Radio Sweethearts · The Great Cornholio · Liar! Liar!

Season 5: Held Back · Killing Time · Beard Boys · Choke · Safe House · Hard Sell · Walkathon · Temporary Insanity · Dude, a Reward · Walking Erect · Career Day · Plastic Surgin' · Take a Number · Beaverly Buttbillies · Tainted Meat · Stewart Moves Away · Top O' The Mountain · Party · Wet Behind the Rears · Bad Dog · Lightning Strikes · Dream On · Candy Sale · Animation Sucks · What's the Deal · The History of Women · To the Rescue · I Dream of Beavis · Pregnant Pause · Here Comes the Bride's Butt · Screamers · Beavis, Can You Spare a Dime? · Skin Trade · Oil Change · Buttniks · Bang the Drum Slowly Dumbass · Another Friday Night · Tired · Close Encounters · Womyn · Vidiots · Premature Evacuation · Whiplash · Spare Me · Patsies · Murder Site · Spanish Fly · Sexual Harassment · Bus Trip · Green Thumbs · Steamroller

Season 6: Bungholio: Lord of the Harvest · The Mystery of Morning Wood · US History · Feel a Cop · Date Watchers · Blood Pressure · Huh-Huh-Humbug · It's a Miserable Life · Babysitting · Stewart is Missing · Gang of Two · Sprout · Prank Call · No Service · Yard Sale · P.T.A. · Substitute · Shopping List · Buy Beer

Season 7: Butt, Butt, Hike · Vaya Con Cornholio · Evolution Sucks · Ding-Dong-Ditch · Just for Girls · A Very Special Episode · Dumbasses Anonymous · Underwear · Head Lice · Cyber-Butt · Nose Bleed · Citizens Arrest · Pierced · A Great Day · On Strike · Follow Me · Nothing Happening · Take a Lap · Shortcuts · Bride of Butt-Head · Special Delivery · Woodshop · T.V. Violence · Canned · Garage Band · Impotence · The Miracle That is Beavis · Shopping Cart · Inventors · Die Fly, Die! · Drinking Butt-ies · Work is Death · Breakdown · Graduation Day · The Future of Beavis and Butt-Head · Speech Therapy · Leave It to Beavis · Butt Flambe · Our Founding Losers · Beavis and Butt-Head Do Thanksgiving · Beavis and Butt-Head Are Dead

Season 8: Werewolves of Highland · Crying · Daughter's Hand · Tech Support · Holy Cornholio · Drones · Supersize Me · Bathroom Break · The Rat · Spill · Doomsday · Dumb Design · Copy Machine · Holding · Used Car · Bounty Hunters · Time Machine · Massage · School Test · Snitchers · Whorehouse · Going Down

Season 9: Escape Room · The Special One · Boxed In · Beekeepers · Roof · River · The New Enemy · The Doppelgänger · Nice Butt-Head · Home Aide · Virtual Stupidity · Locked Out · Kidney · The Good Deed · Two Stupid Men · Freaky Friday · Weird Girl · Time Travelers · Spiritual Journey · Refuse Service · Downward Dumbass · The Most Dangerous Game · Bone Hunters

Season 10: Meditation Sucks · Polling Place · Old Man Beavis · Hunting Trip · Pardon Our Dust · Pranks · Hellhole · Take a Bow · Tobacco Farmers · Married · Sad Boys · Are You There God? It's Me, Beavis · The Day Butt-Head Went Too Far · Spring Break · The Warrior · Vasectomies · Stolen Valor · Breeding Frenzy · Hoarders · Needle Dicks · Abduction · Sleepover

Season 11: TBA