[Beavis and Butt-Head go inside the mall and walk around]
Butt-Head [vo] - Hello, ladies.
Women [vo] - SECURITY!
Mall Security Guard - [sends Beavis and Butt-Head out of the store] Every day we go through this. NOW, STAY OUT.
Beavis - Where should we go now, Butt-Head? Butt-Head? Whoa! [see chicks getting massages]
Butt-Head - The mall rules.
Beavis - Oh, yeah.
[a clip from Jersey Shore plays]
[Beavis and Butt-Head are laughing at a lady and she leaves angrily]
Massage Worker - No. C-come back! [looks at Beavis and Butt-Head angrily] YOU! [leaves]
[when the massage worker leaves, Beavis and Butt-Head sees no one getting massages]
Butt-Head - Come on. Pick up the pace.
Beavis - Yeah, we're getting bored over here, come on.
Butt-Head - Uh, hello.
[a lady comes and gets ready to have a massage]
Beavis - Oh, yeah.
[a lady get angry with Beavis and Butt-Head after staring at her longer]
Massage Worker - [shows up] Oh! Oh, them! Them! Get them! Go! Bad for business!
Mall Security Guard - [shows up angrily] You're going to have to leave. You do not have the right to block a pedestrian area.
Butt-Head - Uh, how come they get to block a "pedestrian" area?
Beavis - Yeah, really.
Mall Security Guard - Because they are running a business. Now move along. [leaves]
Massage Worker - [angrily] NOW YOU GO! YOU GO TO HELL!
[Beavis and Butt-Head sadly leaves the area]
Beavis - Damn it. That sucks. What is a "pedestrian" anyway?
Butt-Head - I don't know. But it won't matter if we're running a business.
Beavis - What do you mean?
Butt-Head - Beavis, we are going to be massagers.
Beavis - Oh, yeah.
[Beavis and Butt-Head get ready to build their own massage stand]
Butt-Head - We're businessmen.
[fade to black]
Butt-Head - Hey, baby. Would you like to be touched?
[a lady grunts]
Beavis - You don't like it, you don't pay.
Butt-Head - Step right up. Get one boob massaged, and the other one's free.
Beavis - And your butt too, yeah. Three for the price of one. This sucks. [sees the massage workers massaging chicks] How come those guys have chicks lined up and we don't have anybody?
Butt-Head - Maybe it's because they're, like, Chinese? I think chicks love Chinese dudes.
Beavis - Damn it. It's, like, they should-- [Beavis hurts himself when the massage stand knocks over] Ow!
Butt-Head - Damn it, Beavis. You broke our chair. [kicks Beavis]
Beavis - Ow!
Butt-Head - Butthole.
[the massage workers laugh]
[Beavis and Butt-Head look at a model inside the store]
Beavis - Yeah.
Butt-Head - It's, like, not the same.
Beavis - It's like, it just reminds me that we almost touched real girls.
[Beavis and Butt-Head both leave and go for a walk]
Beavis - Yeah. It just doesn't work anymore. Yeah. Damn it. I used to love this mall.
[Beavis and Butt-head walk around and see the massage workers take a break]
Butt-Head - [looks at the sign saying back in 30 minutes] Whoa! Hey, Beavis, look. They're gone. This is our chance. [became massagers] Eh, okay. Act Chinese, Beavis.
Beavis - [speaking Chinese] Um, now you go! You go to hell! what hell you doing? That's all the Chinese I know. Oh, wait a minute! Me Chinese, me play joke, me put pee-pee in your coke.
Butt-Head - That was pretty good, Beavis. [a lady comes] Whoa.
[Beavis and Butt-Head finally have a lady in order to massage chicks]
Lady - [sighs] I'm having some upper back pain and on my neck, so if you could just work on that, that would be great.
[Butt-Head gets ready to massage a girl, however, the workers show up and pushes him away from massaging a lady]
Massage Worker - [comes back angrily] WHAT THE HELL YOU DOING? YOU TRY AND TAKE MY BUSINESS?
Butt-Head - Uh, yeah. We wanna be massagers.
Massage Worker - Okay, you two now massagers.
Butt-Head - Uh, really?
[a fat customer shows up]
Fat Man - Ugh. I'm ready. I need to get my circulation going. I got a real bad spell of the gout. Probably that shellfish I ate.
[a lady leaves]
Massage Worker - [points at the fat man's back and tells the boys to massage him] GET TO WORK!
[the fat guy gets ready to have a massage]
Butt-Head - Uh, let's get out of here.
[they leave until a security guard and an angry man show up]
Security Guard - Hold on. [stops the boys from escaping] Okay. Did you two have anything to do with taking this guy's tools?
Massage Worker - They here with us whole time. New employees! Massage this guy now.
Butt-Head - Uh, no thanks.
Security Guard - The police are on their way. Do you work here, yes or no?
Massage Worker - Show him! Show him you not thief. You a massager! Massage!
[the cops show up]
Butt-Head - Uh, yeah. We're massagers.
Fat Man - Uh, I'm gonna need you to massage the fluid back up into my torso. Uh, then rub the extremities till they aren't so blue anymore. Now don't mind that smell. That's just the muscle eating the bone. Doctor said he's only heard of it this bad in cattle before. Looks like a table leg got caught in a wood chipper, don't it?
Beavis - Well, he does have boobs.