[Beavis and Butt-Head are watching the opening to The Brady Bunch while changing the lyrics.]
Beavis and Butt-Head: [They sing over the lyrics "the youngest one in curls"] The youngest one liked girls!
Beavis and Butt-Head: [They sing over the lyrics "but they were all alone"] But they didn't sleep alone!
Beavis: Hey, Butt-Head. Look what I found yesterday. [He shows Butt-Head a credit card, which happens to be Tom Anderson's.]
Butt-Head: Whoa! Where'd you find it?
Beavis: Anderson's house! Let's burn it! [He gets his lighter out and begins to burn it.]
Butt-Head: [He swipes it away from Beavis, causing Beavis to burn his hand.] No way, chodesmoker! You can buy stuff with this! You can, like, go to the olympics and buy mountain bikes and cars and stuff!
Beavis: Can you buy BB guns?
Butt-Head: I think so.
Beavis: We're there, dude!
[They change the channel to another.]
TV Host: Hoo, dog! Well, that's the good thing about them possum innards. Still good the next day!
[Cut to Turbo Mall 2000, where Beavis and Butt-Head have started buying all sorts of things. They come across a pet store.]
Beavis: Let's buy some animals.
Butt-Head: Yeah! That would be cool!
Beavis: Credit cars are cool! [He bends the card slightly in his hand.]
[Meanwhile, we see Tom and Marcy Anderson driving to a hotel.]
Tom Anderson: Well, I sure am looking forward this. All the old boys are gonna be here this year. Dick, Peter, Rod, Johnson. Why I even heard a rumor that old John Thomas was gonna show up this time!
[Back at the mall, Beavis and Butt-Head are looking at a very expensive cockatoo.]
Butt-Head: Where's his butt?
Clerk: Excuse me, can I help you boys with something?
Butt-Head: Yeah, I want to buy this thing. [Beavis lights his lighter under the bird.]
Clerk: This "thing" sells for $2,400. Now why don't you boys just- [He gets interrupted by Butt-Head.]
Butt-Head: I'll take two of them, then!
Clerk: Look, if you don't want me to call security, then- [He then spots Beavis holding the card.] Oh, I see! Well, would you like anything else today?
Beavis: Yeah, we want some dogs! [He lights his lighter under the bird again.]
Clerk: [He shows them a dog now.] Ok, well, we have this wonderful golden retriever here. He's 100% pure bred and pedigreed. He comes from a long line of award-winning retrievers, and makes an excellent hunting dog. I can show his papers.
Beavis: Look! He's got a boner!
Butt-Head: We'll take him!
Clerk: Ok, will there be anything else today?
Beavis: [He pulls the cockatoo's perch out from under him briefly.] Yeah! Cats! [Beavis and Butt-Head start laughing.]
[Meanwhile, Tom and Marcy are now inside the hotel's lobby.]
Tom Anderson: Tell me y'all don't got us a room on the first floor close to the bar, and you and I are gonna tangle.
Hotel Clerk: I think we can accommodate you, sir. Cash or charge?
Tom Anderson: [He pulls out his wallet.] I believe I'll use the old plastic. Heh heh! [He soon sees that his card is gone.] Huh?
[Back at the mall, Beavis and Butt-Head are still shopping for animals.]
Beavis: Do you sell any dead animals?
Clerk: No! Well, actually, I take that back. We do have a couple chinchillas in the back that didn't quite make it through shipping. I'm sure we could cut you a real good deal!
[Meanwhile, Tom is frantically searching his wallet for his card.]
Tom Anderson: Dammit. [He angrily throws his wallet on the counter] Dammit! Where the hell's my credit card?! Dammit! I'm gonna miss the opening ceremonies!
[Elsewhere, Beavis and Butt-Head have an entire shopping cart full of animals.]
Butt-Head: [He's trying to walk with two dogs having sex with his legs.] Hey! These dogs are homosexual! [He laughs.]
Clerk: [He begins to ring up their pets.] Ok, that comes to $6,275, sir. And how would you like to pay for this?
Butt-Head: With this thing. [He hands over the card to the clerk, then signs the receipt in his name.]
[Meanwhile, Tom Anderson has become irate at the hotel.]
Tom Anderson: [He shakes his wallet over and over.] Dammit! Dammit! Where the hell is it?! We don't even have enough cash to get home!
Marcy Anderson: Say, honey. Weren't you using it to get into the tool shed after those boys locked you out? [Tom Anderson, now realizing what has happened, screams in sheer rage.]
Hotel Clerk: Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
Marcy Anderson: [She pats Tom on the back.] Well, don't worry, dear. There's always next year.
[Back at the mall, Beavis and Butt-Head finally leave. But then, almost all of the animals run free, except for the cats, the birds, and the dogs humping Butt-Head's legs. They both start laughing.]
Butt-Head: Welcome to the credit world, dude!
[The Cockatoo flies away, only to have the golden retriever maul it, which rouses the attention of two parrots.]
Parrots: That was cool! [They laugh just like their owners.]
[When they get home, they sit and watch an advertisement for a charity organization.]
Sally Struthers: For just $25 a month, you can feed and cloth and educate an entire family!
Butt-Head: Why don't those people just get credit cards? Then they could eat all they want.
Beavis: Maybe they're stupid!
Butt-Head: Yeah. Hey, what are we gonna do about all these animals?
Beavis: Let's take them to Anderson's house.
Butt-Head: Yeah. It's the least we could do. [The parrots start to laugh again.]
Beavis: Keep the birds, though!
Butt-Head: Yeah! These birds are cool!
Butt-Head Parrot: [It starts to squawk and laugh.] That was cool! [It then starts singing the riff to "Smoke on the Water".]
Beavis: Polly want an alka-seltzer? [He laughs as he feeds the parrot an alka-seltzer.]