Beavis and Butt-Head
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Bang the Drum Slowly Dumbass is the 36th episode in Season 5 of Beavis and Butt-Head. It is the 125th episode overall.

Plot[]

One evening while in the woods, the duo happens upon Van Driessen participating in a men's group, using a drum to express themselves, where he invites them in. However, Beavis takes it up a notch and goes into a stupor ranting about his inability to score and his misguided plan to overcome it, causing the group to alienate Mr. Van Driessen in disgust.

At school Van Driessen asks Butt-Head where Beavis is, but it is revealed that Beavis was still in the woods drumming to himself, still making elaborate, yet naïve plans to score until he realizes that he is by himself.

Characters[]

Music Videos[]

  • Jill Sobule - "I Kissed a Girl"
  • Pavement - "Rattled By The Rush"
  • Sugar Ray - "Mean Machine"

Transcript[]

[We open with Beavis and Butt-Head, who are apparently lost in the woods.]

Beavis: Hey, Butt-Head. I think we're lost.

Butt-Head: Cool! Maybe we'll be on the news.

Beavis: Oh yeah, that would rule!

Beavis: Whoa, do you hear that?!

Butt-Head: What is it?

[Beavis and Butt-Head follow the sound of banging drums. Soon enough, they discover Mr. Van Driessen and other hippies playing with a drum. They start laughing.]

Mr. Van Driessen: Beavis, Butt-Head, what a happy coincidence! We were just rapping about the need to recruit new members for our Men's Group. Would you like to join us?

Butt-Head: Uhh, no.

Beavis: Yeah, really. I'm not gonna join any Men's Group, unless it's got like, chicks in it and stuff!

Hippie #1: Come on, guys! It's a really super way to express your masculinity in a nurturing, all-male environment!

Hippie #2: With no women around, we're free to be ourselves without fear of seeming sexist or offensive.

Hippie #3: And we left off some steam to avoid channeling our male anger towards women into greed, destructiveness, or other male problem areas.

Mr. Van Driessen: And that's important, especially today, as we men wrestle with our manhood.

Butt-Head: Beavis wrestles with his manhood.

Beavis: Yeah, I usually win!

Mr. Van Driessen: That's okay, 'cause we all must fight our own demons. That's why these monthly drum-banging sessions are so-

Beavis: You get to bang a drum?!

Mr. Van Driessen: Sure!

Beavis: COOL!!! This is gonna be cool. [He and Butt-Head go over to the group of men.

Hippie #2: Hi, I'm Gary. [Gary shakes Beavis' hand.]

Beavis: Hey, how's it going?

Hippie #3: Hi, I'm Pete.

Hippie: #1: Hi, Phil. Nice to meet you!

Beavis: Hi, I'm Beavis!

[As they get settled in, Mr. Van Driessen is seen putting out a powerful beat on the drum. Butt-Head doesn't seem interested.]

Butt-Head: Uhh, this sucks.

Mr. Van Driessen: Actually, it can be quite therapeutic, Butt-Head. Here, why don't you take out some of that aggression on the drum?

Pete: And let loose with your inner-most thoughts!

Butt-Head: Uhh...[He starts making a slow and very unconvincing beat.] Uhh, this sucks? Uhh... This sucks! A bunch of dumbass wussies hitting a stupid drum! [He finishes his "session" early.]

Mr. Van Driessen: Umm...Good, Butt-Head. You tapped into some genuine emotions there, and I think we can all relate to what you're saying.

Butt-Head: Uhh... You can?

Gary: Sure we can!

Phil: It really doesn't suck that you had the courage to say "This sucks"!

Pete: We're hearing you loud and clear, brother!

Butt-Head: ...THAT SUCKS!

Mr. Van Driessen: Okay. [He takes the drum from Butt-Head and gives it Beavis.] Now it's your turn, Beavis. Really try to get in touch with your inner-male.

Beavis: NO WAY!!! Not with a bunch of dudes watching!

Mr. Van Driessen: Don't be shy, just hit the drum and say what's on your mind.

Beavis: Umm...Oh yeah, okay... [He hits it once.] Whoa!!! That was pretty cool! [He starts laughing as he hits it more, and then he starts laughing in tandem with the beat, and starts beating it faster and faster.]

Mr. Van Driessen: Ok, Beavis! Now let that wild man within put his feelings into words!

Phil: We're with you, brother!

Beavis: IT'S LIKE, I WANNA CHECK OUT CHICKS' THINGIES!! I WANT TO SEE THEIR THINGIES, BUT THEY WON'T LET ME, AND THAT JUST MAKES ME WANT TO CHECK THEM OUT EVEN MORE!!!

Pete: We feel your male pain!

Beavis: I FEEL LIKE I'M NEVER GONNA SCORE, AND CHICKS DON'T WANT TO TALK TO ME! IT'S LIKE, I WANT TO GO UP AND SAY, "HEY, BABY, HOW'S IT GOING?" AND THEN THEY JUST LIKE...THEY JUST GO AWAY, AND THEN THEY SLAP ME!!!

Phil: I can identify with that, I guess?

Beavis: AND THEN SOMETIMES, I JUST WANT TO GET A BIG BULLDOZER, AND I JUST WANT TO LIKE...I JUST WANT TO LIKE, BULLDOZE THE WALLS TO THE GIRL'S LOCKER ROOM, AND THAT WAY I CAN SEE THEIR BOOBS!!!

Butt-Head: That would be cool!

Beavis: AND LIKE...AND LIKE, I KNOW THEY'RE NAKED INSIDE THERE AND I JUST CAN'T STAND IT!!!

Mr. Van Driessen: Hmm... [Mr. Van Driessen and the group all start looking at each other, realizing that this might've been a mistake to give Beavis the drum.]

Beavis: AND THEN I WANT TO TAKE THE BULLDOZER, AND LIKE, I WAN TO BULLDOZE THE CAFETERIA TOO, AND THEN THE LIBRARY, I WANT TO DESTROY ALL THE BOOKS, AND THEN I WANT TO GO TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE, AND BULLDOZE THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE TOO!!! AND BULLDOZE IT FOR ONLY-

Gary: [He leans over to Phil and whispers.] I think someone's "inner-warrior" needs to go back to basic training.

Beavis: WHEN AM I EVER GETTING A BULLDOZER?!?!?! THEN MAYBE I'LL NEVER TEAR DOWN THE GIRLS' LOCKER ROOM!!!

Mr. Van Driessen: [He tries to take the drum from Beavis.] Maybe you need professional help, Beavis? [Beavis slaps his hands away as he continues his crazed rant.]

Beavis: AND I'LL NEVER SEE A CHICK NAKED EVER!!! AND THAT WOULD SUCK!!! IT WOULD SUCK!!! IT WOULD SUCK!!!

Pete: Somebody take that damn drum away from him!!

Gary: What the hell are you teaching these kids of yours, anyway?!

Beavis: YEAH!!! YEAH!!!

Phil: You know, the guys at the gym were right, you ARE a panty-waist!

'Beavis: WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH, YEAH YAAAHHH YAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Pete: And you said this was a way to recapture the spirit of Woodstock?! WOODSTOCK, MY ASS!!

Beavis: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH, NAKED BOOBS, NAKED BOOBS, NAKED BOOBS, NAKED BOOBS!!!

Mr. Van Driessen: Wait a minute, guys! That kind of old-fashioned male aggressiveness is never the solution. [He chases after the men as they leave Beavis and Butt-Head behind, with Beavis still ranting.]

Beavis: AND THAT WOULD SUCK, IT WOULD SUCK!!! I'M NEVER GONNA SEE A CHICK NAKED EVER!!! AND THAT WOULD SUCK!!! IT WOULD SUCK!!! IT WOULD SUCK!!!

Butt-Head: Yeah! This sucks! [He leaves, while Beavis continues ranting and pounding on the drum.]

Beavis: NO!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO...OH NO!!!

[The next day at school, Beavis has not shown up during roll call.]

Mr. Van Driessen: Butt-Head, where's Beavis?

Butt-Head: Uhh, I don't know.

[Meanwhile, back in the woods, we find Beavis still pounding on the drum and his rant is still going!]

Beavis: I'd get the crane with a wrecking ball, and a bulldozer, one of those really nice shovels, and an ice pick, and a backhoe, and a forklift, and a front-end motor, and a combine! And a...Oh yeah, and a getaway car, and some rubbers! Only then will I score! [He finally stops pounding the drum.] And umm, that's about it...Oh yeah, and some boobs! [He hits the drum one last time, then puts it aside.] Umm, your turn, Butt-Head. ...Uhh, Butt-Head? [He rubs his blood-shot eyes and looks around.] BUTT-HEAD!!! IT'S YOUR TURN, COME ON!!! [He then realizes he's all alone in the woods now.] Uh oh...

Sources[]

Episode List
Shorts · Season 1 · Season 2 · Season 3 · Season 4 · Season 5 · Season 6 · Season 7 · Season 8 · Season 9 · Season 10


Shorts: Frog Baseball · Peace, Love and Understanding


Season 1: Door-to-Door · Give Blood · Balloon


Season 2: Scientific Stuff · Good Credit · Burger World · Baby Makes Uh, Three · Beware of the Butt · At the Sideshow · Customers Suck · Sick · Home Improvement · Way Down Mexico Way · At the Movies · No Laughing · The Butt-Head Experience · Lawn & Garden · Stewart's House · For Better or Verse · Bedpans & Broomsticks · Babes R Us · Yogurt's Cool · Heroes · Sign Here · Washing the Dog · Friday Night · Be All You Can Be


Season 3: Comedians · Carwash · Couch-Fishing · Incognito · Kidnapped · Naked Colony · Tornado · Cleaning House · Scratch 'N' Win · Scared Straight · Eating Contest · Sporting Goods · Sperm Bank · Buff 'N' Stuff · Citizen Butt-Head · Politically Correct · Ball Breakers · Meet God · Meet God · True Crime · The Trial · The Crush · Plate Frisbee · Canoe · Young, Gifted, & Crude · Foreign Exchange · A Very Special Christmas with Beavis and Butt-Head · Closing Time · Most Wanted


Season 4: Wall of Youth · Cow Tipping · Trouble Urinating · Rabies Scare · They're Coming to Take Me Away, Huh Huh · Jump! · Pumping Iron · Let's Clean it Up · 1-900-BEAVIS · Water Safety · Blackout! · Late Night with Butt-Head · The Final Judgement of Beavis · Pool Toys · Madame Blavatsky · Beavis and Butt-Head's Island · Figure Drawing · Date Bait · Butt is it Art? · Right On · Manners Suck · The Pipe of Doom · Safe Driving · Mr Anderson's Balls · Patients Patients · Teen Talk · Crisis Line · Vs. the Vending Machine · Generation in Crisis · Radio Sweethearts · The Great Cornholio · Liar! Liar!


Season 5: Held Back · Killing Time · Beard Boys · Choke · Safe House · Hard Sell · Walkathon · Temporary Insanity · Dude, a Reward · Walking Erect · Career Day · Plastic Surgin' · Take a Number · Beaverly Buttbillies · Tainted Meat · Stewart Moves Away · Top O' The Mountain · Party · Wet Behind the Rears · Bad Dog · Lightning Strikes · Dream On · Candy Sale · Animation Sucks · What's the Deal · The History of Women · To the Rescue · I Dream of Beavis · Pregnant Pause · Here Comes the Bride's Butt · Screamers · Beavis, Can You Spare a Dime? · Skin Trade · Oil Change · Buttniks · Bang the Drum Slowly Dumbass · Another Friday Night · Tired · Close Encounters · Womyn · Vidiots · Premature Evacuation · Whiplash · Spare Me · Patsies · Murder Site · Spanish Fly · Sexual Harassment · Bus Trip · Green Thumbs · Steamroller


Season 6: Bungholio: Lord of the Harvest · The Mystery of Morning Wood · US History · Feel a Cop · Date Watchers · Blood Pressure · Huh-Huh-Humbug · It's a Miserable Life · Babysitting · Stewart is Missing · Gang of Two · Sprout · Prank Call · No Service · Yard Sale · P.T.A. · Substitute · Shopping List · Buy Beer


Season 7: Butt, Butt, Hike · Vaya Con Cornholio · Evolution Sucks · Ding-Dong-Ditch · Just for Girls · A Very Special Episode · Dumbasses Anonymous · Underwear · Head Lice · Cyber-Butt · Nose Bleed · Citizens Arrest · Pierced · A Great Day · On Strike · Follow Me · Nothing Happening · Take a Lap · Shortcuts · Bride of Butt-Head · Special Delivery · Woodshop · T.V. Violence · Canned · Garage Band · Impotence · The Miracle That is Beavis · Shopping Cart · Inventors · Die Fly, Die! · Drinking Butt-ies · Work is Death · Breakdown · Graduation Day · The Future of Beavis and Butt-Head · Speech Therapy · Leave It to Beavis · Butt Flambe · Our Founding Losers · Beavis and Butt-Head Do Thanksgiving · Beavis and Butt-Head Are Dead


Season 8: Werewolves of Highland · Crying · Daughter's Hand · Tech Support · Holy Cornholio · Drones · Supersize Me · Bathroom Break · The Rat · Spill · Doomsday · Dumb Design · Copy Machine · Holding · Used Car · Bounty Hunters · Time Machine · Massage · School Test · Snitchers · Whorehouse · Going Down


Season 9: Escape Room · The Special One · Boxed In · Beekeepers · Roof · River · The New Enemy · The Doppelgänger · Nice Butt-Head · Home Aide · Virtual Stupidity · Locked Out · Kidney · The Good Deed · Two Stupid Men · Freaky Friday · Weird Girl · Time Travelers · Spiritual Journey · Refuse Service · Downward Dumbass · The Most Dangerous Game · Bone Hunters


Season 10: Meditation Sucks · Polling Place · Old Man Beavis · Hunting Trip · Pardon Our Dust · Pranks · Hellhole · Take a Bow · Tobacco Farmers · Married · Sad Boys · Are You There God? It's Me, Beavis · The Day Butt-Head Went Too Far · Spring Break · The Warrior · Vasectomies · Stolen Valor · Breeding Frenzy · Hoarders · Needle Dicks · Abduction · Sleepover


Season 11: TBA

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