[We open to Beavis and Butt-Head watching what sounds like Wheel of Fortune. Butt-Head changes the channel. They come across an infomercial for hair removal.]
Announcer: Don't waste your life away watching TV! Call our free 800 number and get started in the exciting field of hair removal!
[Butt-Head changes the channel to another infomercial, this time for a law school.]
Announcer: Stuck in a dead end job? Why, when you could be earning top dollars as a valid court judge? Just call our toll-free number, and our well-trained instructors-
[Butt-Head changes the channel again, this time to a phone sex hotline. Beavis and Butt-Head's reactions shift almost instantly.]
Actress: Alone? Got something on your mind? Call me at 1-900-LICK. Just $9.99 a minute! What are you waiting for?
[The two then run over to the phone and dial the number. Just as quickly, the woman picks up on the other end.]
Actress: Hello? Hello~! I know you're there... [She giggles at their silence.]
Butt-Head: [He starts laughing with Beavis.] She said something. [They're eyes grow wider as they listen in on her.]
Actress: Hello~! Mmm, who's this?
Beavis: Don't tell her our real names!
Butt-Head: Uhh, I'm Beavis. And he's Butt-Head! [The actress laughs softly at their names, while Beavis and Butt-Head laugh with her.]
Actress: Would you like to know what I have on? Absolutely nothing! [We cut to the other end of the line to discover a very obese woman sitting with her son and husband, while watching TV.] I'm naked~! Are you there? Hello... [She giggles again.]
Butt-Head: Hey, Beavis. I think I just inoculated! [He starts laughing at this revelation.]
Actress: So, what do you want to talk about?
Actress: Don't be shy!
Butt-Head: Well, uhh.... Could you, like, put the phone on your butt? [The woman acts like this excites her, just to please Butt-Head's desire.]
Beavis: YEAH! YEAH, YEAH!!!
[The woman does what Butt-Head asks her to do, then starts eating a huge bucket of chicken.]
Butt-Head: Whoa! I can hear her butt!
Beavis: Yeah! Me too! [They start laughing.]
[Later on, the commercials comes on TV again.]
Actress' Son: Hey, mommy! It's your phone sex ad!
Actress: [Now with a very raspy tone in her voice] Hey! I warned you about that language! What's with this damn chair?! [She pulls the phone out from under her.] What's this?!
Beavis: HEY! HEY, HEY!! PUT IT BACK! PUT IT BACK, PUT THE PHONE BACK!!
Actress: You still there?! [She clears her throat to sound like she did before.] With the- ahem! W-with the money that you spend on phone sex, you oughta start your own 900 number!
[The next day, we find the boys at Central Telephone, speaking with a representative.]
Phone Representative: I'm Jay Wyde Erman, your phone company representative. How can I help you?
Butt-Head: Uhh, we want to, like, get our own 900 number.
Phone Representative: Ahh, starting your own business! A piece of the American Dream! What type of line? Sports? Information?
Butt-Head: We want to meet chicks!
Beavis: Yeah! And score!
Phone Representative: [He starts writing down what they said.] Social Interaction. What's your current rate of income?
Butt-Head: Uhh, six?
Phone Representative: [He continues to write.] Under $15,000. Education?
Beavis: Umm, is that, like, school?
Phone Representative: We'll put down "3rd Grade". Now boys, this is very important. A 900 number is a bound of trust between customer and proprietor. You're asking people to call you and to pay for the privilege, because you're providing a valuable service. You do intend to provide a valuable service, don't you?
Beavis: [He and Butt-Head are laughing, not understanding a word he said.] No!
Phone Representative: That's what I like to hear! Congratulations, boys! You're on the gravy train! All you have to do is sign at the bottom and put today's date. [He hands them contracts to sign, but Beavis and Butt-Head don't understand what's happening. They begin to try signing the paperwork, while Beavis stares at Butt-Head's contract.]
Butt-Head: [He slaps Beavis away.] Keep your eyes on your own paper, Butt-Burglar!
Beavis: This is hard!
Butt-Head: Yeah. Getting a 900 number sucks! [He and Beavis start to leave.]
Phone Representative: Where you going?!
Butt-Head: We're going to get our phone sex the old fashioned way. [He and Beavis leave.]
Beavis: Yeah! Umm, what way's that?
Butt-Head: Uhh, we'll call from Stewart's place.
Beavis: Oh yeah!
[Later that night, we find that they did, in fact, call her again, as the phone is under her. She is seen sleeping with the TV stuck on a test pattern. We can also hear the boys laughing on the phone.]
Butt-Head: Hey, Beavis.
Butt-Head: If we got our own 900 number, it would be like working.
Beavis: Yeah, and that would suck!
Butt-Head: This is better. Hey, maybe we'll hear some butt wind.
Beavis: Yeah! That would be cool! [They continue to laugh on the other end of the phone.]